I will have quite a few of these tips on this blog! My spiritual practice has kept me strong and sane over the past decade as a single parent. No matter what the the ups or the downs, my yoga, meditation, holistic therapies and study have lifted me out of any feeling of victimhood and helped me see my life from a higher spiritual perspective.
In the years since my divorce I have only allowed two men into the lives of my children, I have been careful not to expose them to anything that I didn’t consider to be serious and committed. My last relationship break up with a man I allowed wholly and completely into all of our lives, was very raw for some time. I spent a lot of time and put a lot of energy into healing and helping myself and my children try to come to terms with what happened, but we are peaceful and we have a lot of love in our little family.
Here are some of the spiritual ways that I helped myself through those difficult months post break up. These ideas helped me through the first initial stages of shock and heartbreak. I am blessed to be surrounded by loving, wise souls who immediately stepped in to offer me guidance and support. A Zen meditator and explorer, a Kundalini yoga teacher, an astrologer, Shamanic healer, acupuncturist, Ayurvedic therapist the loving friends and the yogis, here are some of the life changing, spirit healing ideas that they shared with me, passing on to you:
- Read this book or listen to it on audio, trust me, it will change your life forever, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The book is founded in the ancient Yoga Sutras and will challenge everything you ever thought about relationships and love. This book has not left my bedside the past few months and I still often listen to the audio on my school run each morning.
- Once you have finished the book, download his other lectures, this man is my Guru.
- Have acupuncture or a really good massage, as soon as you can after the shock to help you release some of the stored tension in the body, keep having them once a week at least if possible.
- Say the Forgiveness prayer every day. Repeat each line in your mind or out loud for three minutes each, the first two lines sit up with your left hand on your heart, the third lying down with both hands on your heart:
I forgive_____for all they have done to upset me
I ask and I receive forgiveness for all I have done to upset _____
I forgive myself, I dwell in Light, I dwell in God.
By practising forgiveness we can release ourselves from Karma, reacting negatively towards the person who has hurt you will only add to your Karmic blocks, if something needs to be said, say it peacefully or write it in a letter. They have to take the burden of causing you pain through their actions, you don’t need to enter into that with them, look after yourself, get yourself to a place of peace and calm, then contact them if you need to.
- If a man walks away without saying goodbye or dealing with any of the emotional affect they have caused you and your children, let them, it is up to them how they deal with their Karma through their actions, not yours.
- Comfort your children, explain to them that it isn’t their fault, children tend to blame themselves and feel guilt when their parent is upset, reassure them daily that they played no part in the break up. Try to get your ex partner to talk to the children himself and reassure them, if he won’t again that is his choice of action and his Karmic block, don’t react. Help your children yourself as best you can and ask family and friends to help reassure and support them through their own sense of grief and loss.
- Chant mantra, sing through your tears and through your heartbreak. Chant Guru Guru Wahe Guru Guru Ram Das Guru, to bring about self healing, guidance and joy. I found a beautiful version by Snatum Kaur on youtube and and it brought me such peace, I have been chanting it everyday for 31 minutes and will continue for at least 11 days.
- Try Shamanic Healing, I have had two sessions and both have helped me greatly.
- Have a Sound Healing, the Gong, Tibetan & Crystal Bowls and Monochord all help to cut through Karmic blockages. I had an intense period of nightmares, night sweats and sleep convulsions after having a sound healing in the early days of the break up, it was hard but looking back it sped up my healing process and helped me deal with my deep soul wounds. Find my amazing sound healing therapist based in Somerset here.
- Insomnia is very common after a break up. Try some of these remedies, all of which I have tried and highly recommend.
5-HTP Serotonin great for sleep and to reduce anxiety, take one or two tablets on an empty stomach before bed.
Asphalia take one or two tablets half an hour before bed.
Magnesium Oil rub into your feet just before bed, also really useful to help you have strong, guiding dreams. Also if like me, the physical pain around your Solar Plexus and Heart Chakra burns and causes you discomfort, rub the oil into that area for relief.
- Read or listen to the audio of this book The Diamond in Your Pocket by Gangaji.
- Keep up your yoga practise, work daily with hip openers and back bends to release tension and heal the heart.
- Set up a strong meditation practice, light candles, make sure you won’t be disturbed and try to sit for extended lengths of time, an hour a day is good if you can.
- Sleep. Take naps and just rest lying down as much as possible. Try to take time off work if you can even for a few days.
- Be with your children, don’t hide yourself or your emotions from them. Children feel disturbed if they know something is wrong but no one is telling them why. You don’t need to tell them everything at first, but don’t pretend you are ok, they know you’re not and they will want to comfort you with hugs, cups of tea and help around the house, let them.
- Know that all this pain and suffering will pass, try to flow and sit with the hurt, don’t run from it or try to distract yourself, by being with the pain now, you will release deeply and be much more open and ready for a new relationship when it arrives in your life.
- Breathe. When you feel the often immense weight of pain in your heart, relax your shoulders, breathe through it. Try this short meditation:
Inhale pranic healing energy through the crown chakra
Exhale it into your heart
Inhale pranic healing energy through the heart chakra
Exhale and release all the suffering out through the heart.
Practise this each time the pain becomes too much, each time you release the further to liberation from pain you are becoming.
- There comes a point in the healing process where we need to stop talking negatively, we have to get all of that terrible feeling of betrayal out of our system at the beginning, all the lies, the dishonesty, the pretence and lack of true commitment that are sadly sometimes a part of a relationship ending. But then it can just perpetuate your suffering to keep repeating the story, try to avoid friends who want to get into negative chats about your ex, its not healthy. If your ex wasn’t abusive or horrible in some way, its important to remember that he is a good man who is perhaps just struggling emotionally or with his own pain, in time you will look back with fondness so rather than feel hate towards him now, why not speed up the process and remember the happy times, stick with friends who are positive about your ex rather than those that want to tear him to pieces. A break up is often the time to consider who your friends really are and stick with the ones who lift you up spiritually not drag you down.
- Find the love in your own heart again, remember that you don’t need a person to feel love, a person is there to share your love with, but the love you have is always there, it can’t be taken away.